whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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