my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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