this boner is exhausting
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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