I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this hospital has no fireball
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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