the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All the doctor said was why
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
