have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
