I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
