all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
