Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
