I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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