Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
