I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
