Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
