i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your penis caused this!
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