I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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