As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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