My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
