I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
