The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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