wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
