hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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