and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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