Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
