i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
