Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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