You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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