I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
