I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
