Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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