Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
