I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
