So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
