Buhtt sex?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
