I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
