there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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