HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
