I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
