At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
