Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
