I feel like abortions should bother me more
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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