I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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