Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
