I heard we made out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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