It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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