I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
