so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
