broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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