I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
