In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
