She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
