ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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