i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
