last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
