My sheets look like a crime scene.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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