For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
