There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
