Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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