I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
