Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
