Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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