you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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