I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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