I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
