You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
