in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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