not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
