dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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