I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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