And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
