a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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