That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I died a long time ago.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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