mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize