I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
