Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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