I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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