someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
