last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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