I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
