you turned your livingroom into a bong?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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