I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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