Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I party with great urgency now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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