Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
