I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
