i love accidental penises.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
