Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
