the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My hand turned me down
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
