hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
