have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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